Are you in a toxic relationship?

Are you in a toxic relationship? 

Well, with social media, of course. Although a toxic relationship with a partner has many of the same characteristics as one with social media, it is constantly on your mind, making you insecure, and hard to let go of entirely. But if you do have a toxic relationship with social media, I can guarantee that it’s not your fault. 

Social media has embedded itself into almost every aspect of our culture. It most definitely has made its way into my life, on my phone, and in my mind. I find myself looking back at my own post, zooming in and thinking “Should I take this down?” It’s bold to think that people will take that much effort to zoom in, but of course, everyone thinks their viewers will see the tiny pimple on their forehead. 

Everywhere you look, social media has most likely been there. In advertisements, in meeting new people one of the first questions might be “What’s your Snapchat” or “Do you have Instagram?” In response, people usually say “Yes, here you go.”

Now, it’s not as dramatic as saying it’s absolutely everywhere. There are certainly aspects of our culture that have not been somewhat “infected” with social media, but they’re pretty hard to find. Everyone knows the platforms and how to use them, and people even make money by being influencers. 

Personally, my social media has always been active, I’ve had Instagram since I was in about fifth grade. I thought it was something fun that older people would do, I was so excited when my mom told me I could make an account. I posted funny pictures of my stuffed animals, I had about three followers, and it was fun! It was only when I got older that my relationship began to grow toxic, I was constantly making myself detox from it, it overwhelmed me and I would take months off. 

Detoxing from Social Media

Creating that space between social media and yourself is so important. If the first thing you do when you get a meal is take a picture, or if you’ve ever found yourself saying the phrase “phone eats first”, you might need to take a step back and reflect on how much your phone means to you. Hey, I’m totally guilty of taking a picture of my food at a restaurant, how else will I remember how tasty it was? 

It was when I realized I was constantly checking my face or body on Snapchat, or seeing if that one person had followed me back on Instagram when I finally decided to take a step back. Last summer, I decided to take a 3-month detox from social media. I had no TikTok, no Snapchat, and no Instagram. It was one of the best summers ever. I was reading a book a day, I was exercising more, and I was so much more present with my friends. The FOMO wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but I would occasionally log into Snapchat to see if I was missing anything, but I would constantly be met with an overwhelming amount of anxiety, and the app was deleted. 

alt text: fingers running on a treadmill, the bottom of the treadmill is an instagram page, it is running on the social media and trying to keep up

Why Detox?

It’s no secret that social media can take over your mind. The amount of likes, comments, or wondering if someone follows you back, can all get really overwhelming. It also doesn’t help that everyone has Instagram, Snapchat, or TikTok. During my detox, I found myself constantly thinking “Did I forget someone’s birthday?” “do you think he ever unfollowed me” “I wonder if she has a new boyfriend”. These thoughts would consume my mind when I first deleted my socials, much like the first detachment from a toxic relationship. I felt like I had almost broken up with someone, but then I started to see so many positive reactions. 

I was reading again, going on long runs without stopping to check my phone, and I was engaged in every conversation. One of the biggest things though was I was no longer checking my face or body to see what I looked like. Constantly checking my acne in my camera became a routine. I would take pictures and save them so I could track how much acne I had, or I would take pictures from different angles to see if I had looked bloated that day. 

Body Dysmorphia and social media

Mostly everything that an influencer or a celebrity will post is edited. To make them look skinnier, or curvier, whatever it is it’s fake. Since celebrities and influencers take up almost all of the space on Instagram, it’s hard to escape. A video on Tiktok of a celebrity in a bikini almost always has a comment section full of remarks like “body tea” “drop the workout routine?” or even a search bar that resembles the most asked question of the comments that might say “[insert name here]’s old body”. This is toxic to the poster, the viewers, and everyone involved. 

The involuntariness of social media is what is the cause of most of the insecurities. You don’t get to choose what’s on your feed, someone with an edited body might come up which makes you think “Should I look like that?” The bombardment with ads about losing weight, or a “magical pill” to make you skinnier that they sell on TikTokshop. Everything is just one click away. 

Much like a toxic relationship, social media leaves you questioning your own beauty. Wondering if you should change, or asking yourself “Why don’t I look like that?”. Of course, something that makes you insecure should be taken out of your life, but sometimes the good parts are too good. Am I talking about social media or am I talking about a toxic partner? Sometimes, it’s hard to distinguish, but there are ways out.

Limiting your time on each app, making sure you aren’t taking pictures of your body to obsess over, or unfollowing “fake” people are all ways to ensure a healthy relationship between you and social media.

It’s your phone, don't let it tell you how to feel.