Put Your Kids in Therapy

by Aly Cohen

How I Became Introduced to Therapy

Ever since I was in second grade, I knew I was a very emotional kid. I was frequently angry, sad, and over excited without knowing how to communicate it. I can pinpoint one moment, during a spelling game called Sparkle, when I realized I was different from my peers. I always wanted to win a match, and on that day I had made it to the final two. Once I had lost, I went to the back of my classroom and started crying with my back turned to my classmates. Everyone else lost, why weren’t they as upset as me? If they were upset, how were they better at hiding it? 

In the next school year while I was in third grade, my inability to regulate and decipher my emotions increased. My parents noticed and decided it was time to have me meet with a therapist. As expected, I went kicking and screaming. My limited knowledge of therapists portrayed them as mean and intimidating. As far as I knew, none of my peers were in therapy which made me feel more isolated from them and reluctant to receive the help I needed. However, once I began going to therapy consistently, it changed my life. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly ever since then. I can’t help but think how my journey would have been different if going to therapy was normalized at that age. 

What Does Therapy for Children Look Like? 

When most people imagine therapy, they probably envision talk therapy. The patient is likely sitting on a couch opposite their therapist who is likely smoking a pipe. How could children benefit from this when they struggle communicating in general? There are many methods of effective therapy for children and they don’t look like your stereotypical talk therapy. For example, play therapy allows children to verbalize their emotions while doing something they enjoy. Cognitive behavioral therapy allows children to recognize patterns in their behavior and learn to correct them. Group therapy is helpful to children because they learn while being in a group of peers to convey that they are not alone. 

Therapy is for Everyone

Another common misconception about therapy is that there needs to be a problem in order to receive help. Therapy is beneficial for releasing emotions that are held inside and hard to decipher. Having a third party that listens and gives advice is incredibly helpful, especially when children struggle to communicate with their parents or their peers. Most children struggle with understanding their emotions from a young age and could benefit from having a safe space to express their feelings. 

New Circumstances for Children

I was experiencing these feelings around 2011. I did not have access to social media or many screens at this time and now that has completely changed for children growing up today. Social media and technology is interfering with their upbringing. The long-term impact of how growing up with screens and social media affects children’s social skills is currently under investigation. However, psychologists have observed that children don’t interact the same way with their peers as they used to. In 2013, sociologist Sherry Turkle observed that kids aren’t  “emotionally developed”  and are making “superficial connections”. Additionally, high social media usage can lead to lower life satisfaction within adolescents. Children who are struggling to connect with their peers and feel like their life does not measure up to what they see on social media would benefit from having a third party to talk to. These children would likely have more meaningful relationships with their peers if they were all receiving therapy. It is important for them to learn the benefits of face-to-face social interaction when they are being forced in the direction of their phones. 

Development of Important Skills

I frequently think about how going to therapy has positively impacted my communication skills over time. I don’t think I would be able to handle conflict as well as I do now if I didn’t have years of therapy under my belt. Furthermore, I find myself wishing my peers had the same knowledge I do. People are most open to receiving new information when they are younger, which makes childhood and adolescence a crucial time to develop skills to handle emotions. For example, tools for managing stress, conflict and coping mechanisms are valuable as an adult but also incredibly important for kids. The development of these skills over time strengthens them for adulthood. 

Strong Mental Health Helps Strong Academic Performance

If a kid is struggling with their mental health, it doesn't only affect their social interactions. It also affects their academic success. Being able to cope with stress and other mental health struggles allows children to focus on their schoolwork and priorities. These strategies are important all throughout someone’s academic career. For a while, I struggled academically because my mental health struggles occupied all of my mental space. My teachers in middle school would often criticize my inability to understand certain concepts which only contributed more to my struggles. Today, my mental health still affects my confidence in my intelligence and quality of my work. However, I am fortunate to have the tools I need to succeed from my therapy. 

Normalizing the Conversation around Mental Health 

A lot of times, kids and their parents are told that there are certain issues that they will grow out of. Kids who throw tantrums, cry easily and feel different from their peers are told that these things aren’t permanent. This forces them to compartmentalize and invalidate the legitimacy of their mental health struggles. Believing kids when they are struggling and allowing them to get the help they need allows them to see that it is okay to have these feelings. Additionally, if most of their peers were in therapy, it wouldn’t be something that would be ostracized. If children had a mutual understanding that therapy was something helpful instead of something that existed because problems were present, the conversation surrounding therapy would be a lot more positive. When I was in 7th grade and revealed to my friend that I was in therapy, most people had the idea that going to therapy meant there was something seriously wrong with me. Therefore, it took her a while to understand that I was okay and simply needed a place to talk about my feelings. I can’t help but think how my adolescence would be different if I was able to be open with my friends about my experiences in therapy and my mental health struggles. 

Could Therapy Be Harmful for Children? 

Even though the landscape of mental health is having a positive trend, there still is a strong stigmatization surrounding mental health. Therefore, it is possible that going to therapy can still be isolating for children. There is fear of being judged and misunderstood when being open about receiving therapy. Younger kids especially are more likely to be critical and throw around words like “crazy” that contribute to feelings of isolation. Additionally, children may feel like they can’t share what they’re experiencing with their friends. These feelings can further mental health struggles and loneliness. These external factors make therapy challenging for children, not the therapy in itself. 

In Short: Kids, Let’s Go to Therapy! 

Therapy is extremely helpful for children in advancing their social, mental and academic well being. Struggles with mental health, stress, and emotional regulation begin at an early age and continue into adulthood. It is valuable to have and develop strategies to cope with these issues from adolescence. However, there are frequent misunderstandings when it comes to therapy. Kids and adults alike often believe that therapy is reserved for people who have severe struggles with mental health and not for people who need an outlet to vent. Kids are often harsher with their judgements and can isolate their peers who are attending therapy. If more people were to recognize the benefits of therapy from an early age, it would greatly destigmatize receiving help. Also, it would allow more children to communicate effectively and openly about their emotions.